Conflict Resolution: A word which can be healthy to bring you closer or can be destructive to push you apart. Usually the arguments start because you or your partner feels threatened of any issue. The only difference is in how you handle it.
In another word to simplify it clashes or negative emotional interaction between two or more people. Feeling threatened causes us to lash out, act out of spite. Which all leads to tension, hurt feelings, and relationship conflict?
How does conflict affect your relationship?
Conflict can be physically painful; research shows that the pain of loneliness and social rejection is handled by the same area of brain which processes the physical pain. Now this means the amount of pain we feel when rejected by loved one. Physical pain can be relieved by taking medicine but there is no medicine for pain when rejected.
So here are some simple steps which can help conflict resolution to have a healthy argument with four quick tips.
1) Express your feeling.
Generally when a relationship conflict is started we start blaming each other rather telling about how we feel in such situation? Expressing our feelings will always help the partner to understand the situation. Admitting your true feelings requires you to be vulnerable. It can seem challenging but will get easier every time you do it, and will bring big rewards with conflict resolution.
- Don’t just say, “I feel like…” and then state destructive accusations as in “I feel like you always ignore me and don’t care at all about our relationship.”
- Try something like, “I feel insecure and lonely when you spend a lot of time on your laptop when we’re at home together.”
2) Listen to your partner.
Expressing only your feeling will not be a very helpful tool; every time you express yourself also try understanding the feeling your partner have. Try listening how they feel? This step can also seem challenging at first but gets much easier in time. Acknowledge how they feel, let them know you did not mean to make them feel that way, and show them you still love and accept them for conflict resolution.
- Don’t tell them they shouldn’t feel that way, immediately talk about your own feelings, or claim that your feelings are stronger or more important.
- Focus on their perspective and say something like, “I understand how that would make you feel that way,” or “I’m sorry you felt that way.”
3) Tell and Listen to expectations.
Once you both have shared the feelings; it’s time to talk about what the expectations. This is your chance to reconnect on what you want for each other and for your relationship. Think and talk about the commitment you have and what wonderful feelings you want to have together.
- Don’t demand any specific changes yet.
- Focus on your highest visions for a happy relationship like, “I just want you to feel loved all the time,” or “I just want us to work together as a team.”
4) Act as required.
Once it is established what you both really want for your relationship, identify a specific change that will help fulfill your relationship goals, and then it is the time to commit to it. Visualize your act differently when the time comes. Also, remind you and your partner how to keep your agreement live and help your partner feel better. Don’t over commit yourself or demand that your partner change something fundamental about themselves.
- Agree on specific, easily attainable, concrete actions you both will take.
These four steps will help you bring down the misery of an emotional impasse to higher trust, love and passion. If you don’t feel like you can handle these steps or your partner in no participating then you may need to seek help. However, these simple steps is just a formula to end arguments faster and stay closer to prevent the same Relationship conflict in future.